


Kill me

by mrshopkirk



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Feelings, Feels, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gay Male Character, Gay Steve Rogers, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Metaphors, Mild Smut, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-Graphic Smut, POV Steve Rogers, Passion, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sexual Metaphors, Steve Feels, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky - Freeform, Swearing, True Love, bucky loves steve, comparison to war/dying/killing, no actual pain, our boys loving each other to bits and pieces, reference to war/dying/killing, steve loves bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 09:02:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11733891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrshopkirk/pseuds/mrshopkirk
Summary: Love is like a battlefield for Steve and Bucky can kill him anytime he wants.Or the things that go through Steve's mind while having sex with Bucky but that doesn't sound nearly as good.





	Kill me

**Author's Note:**

> First published on Tumblr.
> 
> Written from Steve’s POV. Please keep in mind that this fic is filled with metaphors and is not to be taking literally. There is no real torture. Bucky is not hurting Steve.

It’s been a while since you last killed me, since I died. I love dying by your touch. Do I kill you too? Or do you just love me too much and I love it when you do that? I ache for it. Torture me again, kill me again. Over and over. Because the last time you killed me we were on a battlefield, which I guess was fitting. But the war is over now. It has been for a long time. And you haven’t killed me in a long time. You’re my favorite grim reaper. You’re my only grim reaper. You’re the only fight I’ll never fight. Take me how you want. I’m yours. Do it any way you please. I throw myself at your mercy. Kill me softly. Kill me gently. Kill me roughly. Kill me sweet. Kill me loudly. Just put your hands on me. Burn my skin. Steal my breath away. Make me close my eyes. Make me scream for help. Make me call for god. Make me pray. Make me beg for more.

 

You’re the only battlefield I want to die on. I’ll crawl to you. I’ll get on my knees. I’ll swallow everything you give me; your words and you. Tie me up, tie me down. Put me in front of the firing squad. Shoot me time after time. I’ll get back up so you can do it again.

 

Strip me from my uniform. Strip me bare. I’m your prisoner of war. No one can rescue me. You’re my prison for life. I’ll love the bars that hold me. I grip them with all I have and brace myself for whatever is to come. Please, be gentle. Please, be rough. Please, be you. Blindfold me. Surprise me. Make me look you in the eye. Give me what you think is fit for someone like me. You know my inside and my outside, my inside out. There’s no blind spot on the map. All territory is already discovered. You conquered me a long time ago.

 

Torture me. I relish the pain. You touch me and then you don’t. My heart beats erratically. My thoughts are all over the place. Torture me with your looks. Torture me with your hands. My nerves are on fire. My throat is dry. You hold the key to my cage. Where are your hands? Put your hands on me. Lift me up. Push me down. Let me face you. Turn me away. Kill me. Kill me now.

 

I gasp for air. It’s pouring down. I close my eyes and my mouth but I still choke on water when you pry open my mouth with your lips and your killer ways. Blinded by the water I still see the self satisfied grin on your face. You love killing me slowly. You love the slow glide in the water. You love the way I swallow it down and you bite my Adam’s apple making me choke. I grit my teeth, grabbing you for purchase but you pull away. I miss your touch. I follow you but you deny me. I haven’t been good. I know. Please, I’ll behave. I’ll make you proud. Kill me, torture me. Point your gun at my head. Push the barrel against me hard. The thrill of you almost killing makes me feel more alive than anything else. Shoot me. Kill me. Execute me. I close my eyes but you yank my hair, hard. A tear escapes me and you wipe it away. I keep my eyes open, waiting for the bullet that will blow my head off. It’s the best way to die. It’s a good day to die.

 

Every time you kill me, my heart stops beating, all air leaves my lungs, all colors fade, all falls silent. I feel like I’m floating towards the heavens above, through chilly clouds that make goosebumps erupt. Your fingers trace patterns on my skin and I’m sure this is what the feathers of angels feel like. A halo of dark hair framing your face. And all it takes is a smile from you to feel warm again. Your lips on mine to breath again. The way you whisper my name and to make my heart beat again. It beats for you.

 

Call me sugar. I’ll be sweet. Call me doll. I’ll let you pull all my strings. You’re the only one playing with me. Brush my hair. Pull my hair. Bath me. Make me dirty. Dress me and undress me as many times as you want. Bend my legs. Make me look at you. Caress me. Don’t throw me in a corner. Play with me. Dolls are made for playing and I was made for you.

 

It’s too quiet. It’s been too long. I long for a fight. I long for death. I long for the sound of guns and rattling gunfire. I miss the sounds of exhaustion. I miss the sweat on my face from a mission that lasts too long. I feel too alive. I’m on edge. I’m trigger-happy. My fingers itch to hold a gun. I can’t do this anymore. Kill me. Kill me now. Grab my throat. Grab my wrists. Pin me down. Grab my legs. Lift me up. Muffle my screams and kill me. Take my breath away. Send me to heaven. Make me float. Send me to hell. Make me fall. Where are you? I’m lost without you, lost in no men’s land. Come rescue me. I throw down my arms, raise a white flag. I’m here. Come rescue me. Say my name. Call me. I’ll come. I’ll come silently. I’ll come slow. I’ll come fast. I’ll come screaming. Anything you want. I’ll obey your command. You can guide me in any fight. Your wish is my command.

 

What’s that I hear? Is that my name I hear coming from deep down your chest and rolling from your lips? Oh my soldier, if only you knew what that does to me. Are you ready to surrender to me too? Will you take my wish as your command? Because I’ll gladly take command of the battle this time. I’ll position you where you need to be, placing you just right. We’ll fight this together, you in front of me. I’ll have your back. But even when I’m killing you, you’re still killing me. I try and stay alive. I have to make it till the end of the line. I have to take care of you. I can’t let you down. My soldier on the battlefield. My soldier in my arms.

 

You’re killing me. Stop killing me. I won’t win this battle. Throw me down already. Why won’t you yield? Why don’t you do as you’re told like a good soldier? I hear you gasping for air. I see you writhing beneath me. I feel the red-hot traces on my back. I see you biting your lip. You’re killing me and you know it. I should have known. I should have known you couldn’t kill the grim reaper. You mislead me. You throw me off my game. You know my weakness and are out for the kill. You’re killing me. You disarm me skillfully, deliberately and take my gun. The fight is over. It’s done. You win. You killed me before you even fired the bullet. You’re in a killer mood today. Cold blooded. Expertly. With precision and purpose. My body is barely cold when you kill me again. You kill me and resurrect me in more ways and more times than I ever thought possible. I’m raw. I’m tingling all over. You make me beg. You make me crawl. You make me scream until no one can hear me anymore. You take my breath away. You dig my grave but grant me no rest. Please, let me rest.

 

Who am I kidding? Just kill me again.


End file.
